Home » Excerpts from The Mommy Code

Excerpts from The Mommy Code

On Hosting a dinner Party with Kids:
“Do not invite more children than you can seat at tables. Nothing foretells ruined carpets and smeared walls like four-year-olds walking around with meatballs.”

On Dealing with Daddies:
“Understand their Man-strual Cycles. Unfortunately, theirs aren’t as predictable as ours. Nor are they embedded in biology. But if you have been with a man long enough to conceive and deliver a baby, then you know these exist. Moodiness, impatience, self-focus, irritability, anxiety, emotional ups and downs, and general malaise are symptomatic of this condition. I have found that the best way to deal with a Dad who is man-struating is to treat him how I would like to be treated when suffering from severe PMS. (To date, being treated this way remains a fantasy for me, but an active fantasy life is a healthy escape, right?)”

On Birthday Parties:
“KISS—Keep It Simple, Sweetie. One-year-olds don’t know that there are clowns and magicians available to attend parties any more than they know about chocolate fountains, Solid Gold Dancers, or the Theory of Relativity. They are happy with a balloon and a cupcake. So make them happy.”

On Social Media:
“Avoid Boozing and Posting. Unlike with cheese, pasta, and good company, wine does not mix well with social media. Beware of alcohol-induced online indiscretions. They can become conversational fodder at preschool drop-off or the office water cooler faster than you can say Zuckerberg.”

On Food Negotiations:
“My favorite line to kids who are refusing veggies while demanding dessert is, ‘If there’s room in your tummy for ice cream, then there’s room in your tummy for broccoli.’ Stops ‘em dead in their tracks. It may not get them to consume the green stuff, but it should eliminate the request for sweets. Similarly, when kids claim to be “full” of their uneaten dinner, cover the plate and put it away. When they come back 30 minutes later ‘hungry’ and asking for a cookie, give ‘em the pot roast they discarded. “

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